I remember the night it happened. A good friend died and I had called my husband at work to join me at the wake. Guess who didn't show. Not only did he not show, but he didn't come home all night. How ironic, we're at a stage of our lives where our friends are dying and I'm dealing with a husband going through a midlife crisis.
Later it took me investigating our cell phone bill to find her number and figure out who she was. I noticed the first date that she called him and (SHE CALLED HIM) talked for a long time was on his birthday. What did he do, call her and cry that his family didn't appreciate him? that he was sooooo misunderstood? the fact he wasn't even home for his birthday probably escaped him.
I remember begging him to go to counseling. If we went to counseling he would see how much his family loved him he'd change his ways. I was not going softly into that good night. Every, and I do mean every, plan I hatched went the wrong way. Later I would realize that he was already checked out from our marriages. There is a book called "Runaway Husbands" that I would later read that enlightened me how the idea of counseling went so wrong. While I was looking for a way to save our marriages, he was looking for the confirmation that our marriages was already over.
At one point things went very, very wrong. I refer to it as my "Jerry Springer Moment". After 2 months of "working on our marriages" and thinking all was working out, he pulled a fast one on Good Friday, 2008. He had just gotten off the phone with me telling me he was working late and would call me when he was on the way home. I had a few things to buy at the store. On the way to the store (she lives 1 block from the store) I saw his car. Not pretty. There was police involved, and I was told by the very young cop that I was not behaving like a woman my age should act. (punk) .
Life went on, I looked like shit, but I did loose I boatload of weight. I'm close to 6' tall and weighed about 135, size 8, but everyone told me I looked terrible. I was determined to save my marriages. Even went so far as to confront her. Nothing worked.
That is when I called a lawyer. It was time to get the hell out of this. My lawyer was a lifeline. More times than I can count he talked me off a cliff. I will be forever indebted to him. If he ever reads this I hope he learns what an incredible friend and help he was to me.
The divorce was messy and ugly and took over a year to finalize. In the end, I had to sell our Oak Park home, but I got to keep our vacation home on the beach. After the house in Oak Park sold, I moved to Chicago thinking I would get a great job. Little did I know that ageism is alive and well. Nothing. $1300.00/month rent and utilities coming out of my retirement.
Important advise for anyone of my age group divorcing. The court doesn't care that you sacrificed to stay at home and raise the kids. It doesn't care that you have no earning power and that once divorced you can't afford health insurance. Bob conveniently got "laid off" 2 weeks before our final court hearing so he didn't have to pay me ANYTHING!!!.
If just one woman reads this and is forewarned about the court system, I will be so happy that I could help her.
After a year in Chicago I moved back to Oak Park and got a small 1 bedroom apt. and tried to sell real estate in a depressed market. I also got a retail job. Not to mention that each time I moved I had to down size my furniture and sell off so many family antiques and things I loved.
I gave real estate in Oak Park one year (that was my lease).
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