Thank goodness it's over! Seems like no matter how many years go by, Christmas is the hardest.
Day after you get to see all your friends (and pseudo-friends') posts on how wonderful their holiday was.

Mine was fun, at the last minute I emailed my kids and told them I was coming. 250 miles, gas is cheap, weather good, I'm there.  We had fun. 2 of my 3 were there, ordered Chinese and had some great conversation. Not your traditional holiday, but fun. I've learned you have to change your mindset from the traditional Norman Rockwell image to what is real and right now. If you can do that you can enjoy it for all the fun, crazy, loving moment it truly is. It was fun. I enjoyed hearing the traffic outside and on Christmas morning, walked across the street to McDonalds and brought home Christmas breakfast. Like I said, you have to be flexible and embrace the "new normal". Egg McMuffins never tasted so good.

I'm going back for a New Years Eve party in a few days and will see my 3rd son. I hope the weather cooperates. We had our first winter storm today. Right now it's blowing like crazy. I've heard a few things hitting the house, hope it's not anything bad. Will check it out in the morning. Hat a harrowing one hour drive home today. Usually only need about a half hour to get home, but snow was blowing bad. Couldn't see the road. A few times had to stop till the wind blew the snow enough to see the center lines. Very, very, very scary! Immediately cracked open a bottle of wine to ease the nerves.
Note: Always keep your liquor cabinet stocked for emergency

New Years will be spent with friends (all couples) so when the clock strikes midnight and everyone is kissing happy new year, I will be standing there accepting a few token hugs and kisses but, sadly, reminded that by society's standards, alone.  I'm okay with it, but it stings a little just the same.

Snow storm blowing like crazy outside. It would be nice to have someone near by reassuring me. Must be the holiday that is making me so sad. A few more weeks it will be Valentine's Day.  AAAUUUGGRH!!! Even Worse!. Can't wait for March. 

I feel that I have taken a few (actually, a lot) of steps back in my post divorce journey.  I drove back to Chicago and spent a fun Thanksgiving Day with my boys. It was fun, but maybe it's me, but I feel a wall between us.  Oh, we laughed, cooked and had fun, but I felt a cloud of sadness in the room. Now my boys are all grown and in their 30's, but there is still a real sadness in their hearts on the lack of closeness they have with their father.  As a mother, I would cut off my right arm to change that.

Thanksgiving is only Part One in the Holiday Trifecta. Next is Christmas and then the ever hated and dreaded New Years Eve.  My Christmas choices are to drive in for Christmas Eve with my boys, drive to my family (nieces, nephews, etc) or just stay home and watch Hallmark Movies on the tube and probably become suicidal (joke)

I guess I sometimes feel like they want to be with me out of obligation.  I hope not, but have I turned into the parent that is the lonely loser that you invite to holidays out of obligation and guilt? Would they rather go on a trip or go with their girlfriends to their families but don't want to leave me alone?

Maybe it's from today's binge watching of the Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, but I am feeling very lost and lonely.  For God's sakes!! I have been divorced 6 years! Why is that asshole on my mind almost every minute lately?  How do so many of my divorced friends separate themselves from the past so easily? Do I miss the old life because it was so easy? I always knew where and with whom I would be with on any given holiday. Now it's de ja vu back to the days after my parents died and I was always wondering who would call and invite me to Christmas. I always felt like the obligation guest back then and thought those days were over.

It does feel good to write it all down and get it off my chest, but I suppose it's all part of the journey. I just hope I reach a rewarding destination before I get too old to enjoy it.  But, like I said at the start of this post, maybe it's just the season.  Soon all will be back to normal (my normal). At least it's warm here and no ice and snow to deal with.

Oh, the holidays are coming. Always a bad time. The dating sights, however, are starting to burn up with lonely souls looking to not be alone on Christmas day.

A brief note to men over 60 on dating sights: Please look at your pictures after you posted them and ask yourself "Would I go out with me?"  Really, guys......I've seen pictures of guys in all stages of dress and undress.  One guy (no lie) had on a hospital bracelet! Look around the room you're in, make sure there's a little bit of furnishing (and not a dead deer or a fish mounted on the wall or a portrait of your wedding day, for God's sake); don't put in a group picture of you and your golf buddies (especially with the ones that are better looking than you) and then not identify which one is you because I'll be disappointed when you're the short bald one in the middle and not  the good looking one on the left.  I think it's sweet you play Santa Claus for your grand kids or the local YMCA, but it really doesn't turn me on seeing you in full Santa garb. Especially when that's the only picture of you.
And lastly, when taking a selfie, hold the camera up high enough so the picture isn't a shot of looking up your nose. 

I know I'm 67 and not the hottie I once was, but please guys.. . . .