October, 2014.   I have recently had another epiphany that has made me change my attitude and my path. I realize now that I have been wallowing in my losses for just too long. It's true you get back the energy you send out there into the cosmos.  I read a quote by Maria Shrive recently and to paraphrase it was basically "You must let go of the life you thought you were going to live in order to truly enjoy the life you have been given".  I've decided to live by this and actually recite it to myself often.

I can't change the past and every time I look back my insides die a little. I have a lovely little home in a paradise setting, great friends up in my new area as well as old friends back in Illinois who I see fairly often. I have 3 handsome sons who love me and extended family who I love and love me.   I'm not rich but make an almost livable wage which is more than a lot of people in this world. I also live in the greatest country in the world. SO NO MORE PITY PARTIES FOR ME ! !   Also just finished a book called "What Makes Olga Run?" I recommend it. It's a book on the aging process. Olga is a 90+ year old woman who took up sprint running in her mid 70's, is still running and now still holds world records for her age. Of course you are probably thinking as I did that of course she holds world records in her age group as the field is considerably smaller if at all, but that's beside the point. She is out there running!  I was a runner in my day. No champion, but did 4 of the Chicago Marathons and many, 5 and 10k's.  Why did I stop? I'm a little overweight and a lot older, but hell, if Olga can do it so can I.

I'm also dating.  That alone is material for a novel. Dating at 66!  First, the men are just a whole different species than they were at 30, 40, 50's.  Their parts are rusting or just not working, their teeth are yellow, and PLEASE someone tell these dudes not to buy those bright, white, giant walking shoes!!!!!  Where do they even buy them? Plus they make the guys kinda shuffle when they walk. Remember those little plastic walking toys you had as a kid that when you put them on a book or something and tilted it, they would slowly walk down the incline?  Every time I see these guys in those shoes I think of those and chuckle. Don't even try to picture them naked in bed. I know I'm not a prize, but then I don't have to look at myself.

Older guys (girls too but not so much) are very set in their ways. So when you're younger and in love, compromise is a given. At this age, I like my house my way, you like your stuff your way. Lets go out have fun and maybe even stay over for a little you-know-what, but back home in the morning please.I would love to find a soul mate and live the rest of my life in love with a great partner, but I don't think I can live with another person full time. Maybe that will change. I'll keep you posted.

Most people my age have grandchildren. I don't. Don't have a big urge to have them, but when that time comes it will be nice and I hope I can refrain from non-stop talking about them. BORING!  Please, maybe one picture and a short update, that's it.  I also live in a community with a lot of retirees. Most are married and set in their retirement mode so going to plays, clubs, concerts, etc. seem to be out of the picture. Dinner at 5pm? Really?   Not too many of the women want to do much without their spouse.  I have lunch monthly with the ladies in my neighborhood and several always take half their food home to their husbands. Poor thing will starve.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, they are happy and content with their life. I, on the other hand, am still searching, so I want to go to all the fun stuff and don't mind driving 15-20 miles to try a new restaurant.

Speaking of restaurants, that's an area I have recently somewhat learned to feel comfortable in .  Thanks to Tablets and Smart Phones, one can go to a restaurant along and not feel as conspicuous as before.  Bars? that's another story. I don't mind sitting at the bar if they serve food and I can get a burger, but going to a bar alone is still not comfortable for me. 

I am now off to take that first step at getting my old running body back. Will report my success. Never know who I might meet along the way.