This September my divorce will be official 2 years. I'm definitely healing. I have made peace with my ex in my mind. I loved him for a long time and a part of me will always love him. Just today as I walked the beach I was remembering all the good times. Yes, there were a lot of bad times the last few years, but most of it was good. Lots of laughs, lots of fun, great memories of us as a couple and as parents. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
I have not, however, made peace with the woman he is with. Without her in the picture, I truly think we could have made it. But she saw a crack in the foundation and just kept chipping at it. I have cell phone bills with over 500 text messages a month from her to my husband. Because she wanted a family, rather than go get her own, she chose to destroy another. For that there is no forgiveness. I even went over to talk to her woman to woman. She was unfeeling. She had her house in a nice family town, a good job in a totally male field and now all she needed, like a black widow spider, was for some poor "fly" to step into her web.
Little did I know as I was trying to rebuild the foundation of our marriage, she was there chipping, chipping...You are a horrible, loathsome bitch. You did more than break up a marriage. You destroyed the bond and trust that the man you claim to love had with his sons. And to make it worse, you encourage him to keep his distance from them. The dynamics of the entire extended family has changed. I know I'll see you again at either a wedding or funeral. I will be civil, even polite, we may even chat a little, but just know I can not forgive you for what you did to my family.
Well that felt good just to write that down. What I am determined to do is be the best mother and friend to my adult children as I can be. I want them to know they have one parent who loves and respects them unconditionally and I am always there for them and my home will always be a safe haven for them. They are fine young men; tall, handsome, talented, honest and kind and hopefully will find love and I'll have some grandchildren to bounce on my knee and spoil. But whatever path they choose, I am there for them...unconditionally.
I know that feeling. Except my husband at that time was having an affair with a so called "friend" and I use that term loosely. She was his friend that he wanted me to be friends with before we even married. It became something more later on when she was having money trouble. Years later, she would tell me that she thought we were breaking up or would never have become involved with him, but I know that is a lie. They deserved each other and he died penniless and under arrest by the FBI. I just found your blog and will start reading it all the way from the beginning.
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