October, 2014. I have recently had another epiphany that has made me change my attitude and my path. I realize now that I have been wallowing in my losses for just too long. It's true you get back the energy you send out there into the cosmos. I read a quote by Maria Shrive recently and to paraphrase it was basically "You must let go of the life you thought you were going to live in order to truly enjoy the life you have been given". I've decided to live by this and actually recite it to myself often.
I can't change the past and every time I look back my insides die a little. I have a lovely little home in a paradise setting, great friends up in my new area as well as old friends back in Illinois who I see fairly often. I have 3 handsome sons who love me and extended family who I love and love me. I'm not rich but make an almost livable wage which is more than a lot of people in this world. I also live in the greatest country in the world. SO NO MORE PITY PARTIES FOR ME ! ! Also just finished a book called "What Makes Olga Run?" I recommend it. It's a book on the aging process. Olga is a 90+ year old woman who took up sprint running in her mid 70's, is still running and now still holds world records for her age. Of course you are probably thinking as I did that of course she holds world records in her age group as the field is considerably smaller if at all, but that's beside the point. She is out there running! I was a runner in my day. No champion, but did 4 of the Chicago Marathons and many, 5 and 10k's. Why did I stop? I'm a little overweight and a lot older, but hell, if Olga can do it so can I.
I'm also dating. That alone is material for a novel. Dating at 66! First, the men are just a whole different species than they were at 30, 40, 50's. Their parts are rusting or just not working, their teeth are yellow, and PLEASE someone tell these dudes not to buy those bright, white, giant walking shoes!!!!! Where do they even buy them? Plus they make the guys kinda shuffle when they walk. Remember those little plastic walking toys you had as a kid that when you put them on a book or something and tilted it, they would slowly walk down the incline? Every time I see these guys in those shoes I think of those and chuckle. Don't even try to picture them naked in bed. I know I'm not a prize, but then I don't have to look at myself.
Older guys (girls too but not so much) are very set in their ways. So when you're younger and in love, compromise is a given. At this age, I like my house my way, you like your stuff your way. Lets go out have fun and maybe even stay over for a little you-know-what, but back home in the morning please.I would love to find a soul mate and live the rest of my life in love with a great partner, but I don't think I can live with another person full time. Maybe that will change. I'll keep you posted.
Most people my age have grandchildren. I don't. Don't have a big urge to have them, but when that time comes it will be nice and I hope I can refrain from non-stop talking about them. BORING! Please, maybe one picture and a short update, that's it. I also live in a community with a lot of retirees. Most are married and set in their retirement mode so going to plays, clubs, concerts, etc. seem to be out of the picture. Dinner at 5pm? Really? Not too many of the women want to do much without their spouse. I have lunch monthly with the ladies in my neighborhood and several always take half their food home to their husbands. Poor thing will starve. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, they are happy and content with their life. I, on the other hand, am still searching, so I want to go to all the fun stuff and don't mind driving 15-20 miles to try a new restaurant.
Speaking of restaurants, that's an area I have recently somewhat learned to feel comfortable in . Thanks to Tablets and Smart Phones, one can go to a restaurant along and not feel as conspicuous as before. Bars? that's another story. I don't mind sitting at the bar if they serve food and I can get a burger, but going to a bar alone is still not comfortable for me.
I am now off to take that first step at getting my old running body back. Will report my success. Never know who I might meet along the way.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Summer 2014
July, 2014
Been a long time again since last post. Things going well. Dating some, job going okay. Could use some more money, but since I took early Social Security, I'm limited as to how much I can earn (bummer).
Had someone told me it would take 5-plus years to shed my old self and start over I wouldn't have believed them. Also at my age (65) that's a long time. Big regret not doing this divorce thing 10 years ago rather than trying to make a dead marriage work. I would have been more marketable in the job search arena and looked a lot better back then for the dating scene.
I wonder what I would be doing now if I never met or married Bob. What twists and turns would my life have taken? Also, had I sucked it up and stayed with him what would my life be now? How much abuse would I take and and what kind of woman would I be, and what kind of example would I set for my sons?
Speaking of my ex, I always thought he was so tall, handsome and cool. He posted a new picture on his Facebook page and, wow!, he's an old man now....and not at all attractive. I think if I met him now, I'd not give him a second look. In fact, what was really weird is that it took me a half second to recognize him. I haven't seen him face to face in 4 years and he's changed. It was like seeing a total stranger's picture. A million lifetime's ago.You know when you are in a long term relationship, you can look at your partner and see that young, handsome man he once was, the years of separation changed that, all I see is an old man.
Dating.....Last year I met a guy and fell pretty hard for him. We dated for a few months then I learned he was cheating on his girlfriend with me.. It was a devastating breakup. Caused me several months worth of depression and overeating. That on top of the crazy cold of last winter resulted in about 10lb weight gain. Last winter we had dinner together once, but I never heard back. 2 weeks ago and he's back. I was so excited to see him. We went out and then again yesterday. I had fun, but felt absolutely nothing. The time I wasted being sad about him was all for nothing. Note to self.....this won't happen again. I'll go out with him as I always have a good time, but that's it. Funny, when someone breaks your heart, something in you changes. No going back.
It's summer but hardly any warm days. In fact today I'm wearing a sweater and watching TV with a blanket wrapped around me, Don't know if I can go through another winter. We had over 70 days of below zero weather last winter. In fact not just a little below zero, more like 10 to 20 below! I live on a beautiful beach but there are so few days I enjoy it, seriously thinking about moving, but to where?
Been a long time again since last post. Things going well. Dating some, job going okay. Could use some more money, but since I took early Social Security, I'm limited as to how much I can earn (bummer).
Had someone told me it would take 5-plus years to shed my old self and start over I wouldn't have believed them. Also at my age (65) that's a long time. Big regret not doing this divorce thing 10 years ago rather than trying to make a dead marriage work. I would have been more marketable in the job search arena and looked a lot better back then for the dating scene.
I wonder what I would be doing now if I never met or married Bob. What twists and turns would my life have taken? Also, had I sucked it up and stayed with him what would my life be now? How much abuse would I take and and what kind of woman would I be, and what kind of example would I set for my sons?
Speaking of my ex, I always thought he was so tall, handsome and cool. He posted a new picture on his Facebook page and, wow!, he's an old man now....and not at all attractive. I think if I met him now, I'd not give him a second look. In fact, what was really weird is that it took me a half second to recognize him. I haven't seen him face to face in 4 years and he's changed. It was like seeing a total stranger's picture. A million lifetime's ago.You know when you are in a long term relationship, you can look at your partner and see that young, handsome man he once was, the years of separation changed that, all I see is an old man.
Dating.....Last year I met a guy and fell pretty hard for him. We dated for a few months then I learned he was cheating on his girlfriend with me.. It was a devastating breakup. Caused me several months worth of depression and overeating. That on top of the crazy cold of last winter resulted in about 10lb weight gain. Last winter we had dinner together once, but I never heard back. 2 weeks ago and he's back. I was so excited to see him. We went out and then again yesterday. I had fun, but felt absolutely nothing. The time I wasted being sad about him was all for nothing. Note to self.....this won't happen again. I'll go out with him as I always have a good time, but that's it. Funny, when someone breaks your heart, something in you changes. No going back.
It's summer but hardly any warm days. In fact today I'm wearing a sweater and watching TV with a blanket wrapped around me, Don't know if I can go through another winter. We had over 70 days of below zero weather last winter. In fact not just a little below zero, more like 10 to 20 below! I live on a beautiful beach but there are so few days I enjoy it, seriously thinking about moving, but to where?
Monday, February 17, 2014
The Dating Life
Quite a while sine I last posted. I should probably change the title to "Adventures in Loser Dating". I'm attracted to men in their late 50's but they seem to be attracted to women in their 40's while men in their 60's-70's make me feel like I'm dating my father. I don't look or feel 65 damn it and I won't settle.
Started dating a lot lately. Found a few dating sites for folks over 55. Better luck, but not by much. 2 months seems to be my relationship limit. I either break up with them or they me after that time. I don't want a relationship just to have one, and I don't want some guy with baggage. One had his granddaughter to raise, one has early Parkinson's (sorry, if that's shallow, but I don't want to be a nurse to some guy I just met) Another has issues with his daughter and parents, and is a widow. Widowers are the worst, as you can't compete with a dead wife. List goes on and on. One I just met seems like he has potential, but I say that every time. Might just take a break except I feel like time is running out. I'm 65 and look and feel better than I have in years. I feel like I'm just wasting away up here. I miss the city so much. Just can't afford it. Great friends up here, but need a bit more civilization.
As far as the divorce, I feel like my married life is a million years ago. I guess I wanted instant change and adjustment. People said it would take time, I just didn't realize how much time. Now a dear friend is going through the same thing and as I watch her struggle with the same things I did, I see how you really can't rush through the grief and separation, just takes time. Weeks go by without my thinking about my ex. I do want to be invited to a wedding or something sometime this year where I will run into him. Might be a fun adventure.
Well, the dark side of living up here in the middle of nowhere in the winter is shoveling snow. Winter storm coming through today and dumping 6 more inches on top of our already 10-15. Feel like it's been snowing for years. It has it's magical moments, though. Full moon this past week and I could walk my dog at 11pm without a flashlight. Moon shining on the snow created a pattern of light and shadow that was amazing. Fantastic!
Well, my boots are sitting by the door calling my name.
Started dating a lot lately. Found a few dating sites for folks over 55. Better luck, but not by much. 2 months seems to be my relationship limit. I either break up with them or they me after that time. I don't want a relationship just to have one, and I don't want some guy with baggage. One had his granddaughter to raise, one has early Parkinson's (sorry, if that's shallow, but I don't want to be a nurse to some guy I just met) Another has issues with his daughter and parents, and is a widow. Widowers are the worst, as you can't compete with a dead wife. List goes on and on. One I just met seems like he has potential, but I say that every time. Might just take a break except I feel like time is running out. I'm 65 and look and feel better than I have in years. I feel like I'm just wasting away up here. I miss the city so much. Just can't afford it. Great friends up here, but need a bit more civilization.
As far as the divorce, I feel like my married life is a million years ago. I guess I wanted instant change and adjustment. People said it would take time, I just didn't realize how much time. Now a dear friend is going through the same thing and as I watch her struggle with the same things I did, I see how you really can't rush through the grief and separation, just takes time. Weeks go by without my thinking about my ex. I do want to be invited to a wedding or something sometime this year where I will run into him. Might be a fun adventure.
Well, the dark side of living up here in the middle of nowhere in the winter is shoveling snow. Winter storm coming through today and dumping 6 more inches on top of our already 10-15. Feel like it's been snowing for years. It has it's magical moments, though. Full moon this past week and I could walk my dog at 11pm without a flashlight. Moon shining on the snow created a pattern of light and shadow that was amazing. Fantastic!
Well, my boots are sitting by the door calling my name.
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