So a new year is around the corner, but what is in it for me? A new job? Who wants to hire a woman in her 60's with a HS education? NO ONE, THAT'S WHO !!!!!
I saw my ex inlaws briefly at Christmas, I miss them so much. They were my family for 30+ years.
I spent Christmas with my kids in someone elses house.
What a loser.
Happy New Year to me. God, please don't let me get injuried or sick before I'm on Medicare or my life and all my money are totally history.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Why is it that men in their 60's aren't any different than boys in their teens. It's high school all over again! After months (years) of trying to regain my self importance, they can shit on you and it's back to square one in an instant.
I have been dating some. however, right after they start to get a little close they disappear. I met a great man who was quirky and different and sweet. We emailed and every day I received sweet emails; he said sweet things, quoted poetry and I was hooked. Had my guard up though after being hurt so bad. "let your guard down and let love in" well, I did and guess what. He vanished and once again I got shit on. Another hung up on me. Not intentionally, he just wasn't listening to me and probably didn't even know I was talking and just hung up. When I told him about it, no apology, just never called back. I cancelled one date with another one because it was 2 days before Christmas and he hasn't called back either. WTF, I'm sick of it.
I watched Sex and the City Reruns today. The one where Carrie moves to Paris to get away from Mr.Big and start her new life. She roams the streets of the most romantic city in the world alone and sad because she didn't find what she was looking for. That's how I feel up here. It's glorious up here and I should be overflowing with joy, but I'm sad and miss my friends and my life.
What is it about me that as soon as a man either comes to my house or comes to my bed, vanishes the next day?
I don't want to get married again, but I do want love. I want someone to love me; I want someone to fight for me. I want the kind of love that is crazy, stomach fluttering, can't sleep, think of each other every minute joyous, crazy love. Is it out there for me?
I have been dating some. however, right after they start to get a little close they disappear. I met a great man who was quirky and different and sweet. We emailed and every day I received sweet emails; he said sweet things, quoted poetry and I was hooked. Had my guard up though after being hurt so bad. "let your guard down and let love in" well, I did and guess what. He vanished and once again I got shit on. Another hung up on me. Not intentionally, he just wasn't listening to me and probably didn't even know I was talking and just hung up. When I told him about it, no apology, just never called back. I cancelled one date with another one because it was 2 days before Christmas and he hasn't called back either. WTF, I'm sick of it.
I watched Sex and the City Reruns today. The one where Carrie moves to Paris to get away from Mr.Big and start her new life. She roams the streets of the most romantic city in the world alone and sad because she didn't find what she was looking for. That's how I feel up here. It's glorious up here and I should be overflowing with joy, but I'm sad and miss my friends and my life.
What is it about me that as soon as a man either comes to my house or comes to my bed, vanishes the next day?
I don't want to get married again, but I do want love. I want someone to love me; I want someone to fight for me. I want the kind of love that is crazy, stomach fluttering, can't sleep, think of each other every minute joyous, crazy love. Is it out there for me?
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Been a long time. Things looking up. Started dating some. Let's be honest girls, men in their 60's are not the most fantastic looking. When you've been with someone for years and have a history with them, their 20 or 30 years old inner self shines through. Just meeting someone with no history is a harder row to hoe. I have tried very hard to just enjoy the date, not get emotionally involved and just have, fun, have sex and say good bye. I did however, let my guard down once and he seems to no longer want to see me. We write back and forth a lot, but he lives 2 hours away and chooses hunting and just being on his own to being with me. So lesson learned. Keep that guard up.
Lots of nice girls friendships developing up here. Women are really wonderful friends.
Still make it back to Chicago when I can for fun and friend renewal.
So far, no major home repairs needed, so I'm okay financially.
Happy Christmas to all. My "crush" and I put the lights on this lovely 20' tree by my front door
Lots of nice girls friendships developing up here. Women are really wonderful friends.
Still make it back to Chicago when I can for fun and friend renewal.
So far, no major home repairs needed, so I'm okay financially.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
First Year
One year in my "new normal". Job is doing well, have made friends. Not the kind of friends who I can call and drop by for a glass of wine unannounced, but nice. Not like my "homies" but nice. There is an unusual amount of seniors up here. I find when I go back to Chicago I love to visit my sons in the city and just sit and enjoy all the hustle and bustle and young people moving around. In a vacation community there are young people but they're with their families and it's different.
I find I tend to lay rather low in the high tourist times. It's depressing to see all the families on vacation. my heart still breaks thinking of past times up here with the family when it was whole.
I have wonderful old friends from home who come see me, and my sons come up when they can.
Dating. Ha! Have been on Match.com, and others. There's a reason why men in their 60's are single. I know, everyone has a friend who met someone nice on line. (thanks, makes me feel even more like a loser). Note to self: "never say that to someone, or tell them that your friend met someone on line and are getting married next week" I've met a lot on line, but no one who I want to go out with another time. I don't want to get married again, but would like to go to dinner, movies, plays, etc. with someone. Never has gotten into doing that stuff alone. Am reading a book, Labor Day, by Joyce Maynard. There's a paragraph in there that really hit home for me and is exactly what I'm feeling.
+ + +
The young boy is describing his divorced mother: "What I decided was, it hadn't been losing my father that broke my mother's heart, if that was what had taken place as it appeared, It was losing love itself--the dream of making your way across America on popcorn and hot dogss, dancing our way across America in a sparkly dress with red underpants. Having someone think you were were beautiful, which, she had told me, my father used to tell her she was, every day.
Then there's nobody saying that anymore and you are like one of those ceramic hedgehogs with the plants growing on it that the person who bought it forot to keep watered. You are like a hamster nobody remembered to feed."
+ + +
Perfectly put!!
I find I tend to lay rather low in the high tourist times. It's depressing to see all the families on vacation. my heart still breaks thinking of past times up here with the family when it was whole.
I have wonderful old friends from home who come see me, and my sons come up when they can.
Dating. Ha! Have been on Match.com, and others. There's a reason why men in their 60's are single. I know, everyone has a friend who met someone nice on line. (thanks, makes me feel even more like a loser). Note to self: "never say that to someone, or tell them that your friend met someone on line and are getting married next week" I've met a lot on line, but no one who I want to go out with another time. I don't want to get married again, but would like to go to dinner, movies, plays, etc. with someone. Never has gotten into doing that stuff alone. Am reading a book, Labor Day, by Joyce Maynard. There's a paragraph in there that really hit home for me and is exactly what I'm feeling.
+ + +
The young boy is describing his divorced mother: "What I decided was, it hadn't been losing my father that broke my mother's heart, if that was what had taken place as it appeared, It was losing love itself--the dream of making your way across America on popcorn and hot dogss, dancing our way across America in a sparkly dress with red underpants. Having someone think you were were beautiful, which, she had told me, my father used to tell her she was, every day.
Then there's nobody saying that anymore and you are like one of those ceramic hedgehogs with the plants growing on it that the person who bought it forot to keep watered. You are like a hamster nobody remembered to feed."
+ + +
Perfectly put!!
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