This September my divorce will be official 2 years. I'm definitely healing. I have made peace with my ex in my mind. I loved him for a long time and a part of me will always love him. Just today as I walked the beach I was remembering all the good times. Yes, there were a lot of bad times the last few years, but most of it was good. Lots of laughs, lots of fun, great memories of us as a couple and as parents. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
I have not, however, made peace with the woman he is with. Without her in the picture, I truly think we could have made it. But she saw a crack in the foundation and just kept chipping at it. I have cell phone bills with over 500 text messages a month from her to my husband. Because she wanted a family, rather than go get her own, she chose to destroy another. For that there is no forgiveness. I even went over to talk to her woman to woman. She was unfeeling. She had her house in a nice family town, a good job in a totally male field and now all she needed, like a black widow spider, was for some poor "fly" to step into her web.
Little did I know as I was trying to rebuild the foundation of our marriage, she was there chipping, chipping...You are a horrible, loathsome bitch. You did more than break up a marriage. You destroyed the bond and trust that the man you claim to love had with his sons. And to make it worse, you encourage him to keep his distance from them. The dynamics of the entire extended family has changed. I know I'll see you again at either a wedding or funeral. I will be civil, even polite, we may even chat a little, but just know I can not forgive you for what you did to my family.
Well that felt good just to write that down. What I am determined to do is be the best mother and friend to my adult children as I can be. I want them to know they have one parent who loves and respects them unconditionally and I am always there for them and my home will always be a safe haven for them. They are fine young men; tall, handsome, talented, honest and kind and hopefully will find love and I'll have some grandchildren to bounce on my knee and spoil. But whatever path they choose, I am there for them...unconditionally.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
A month in the woods
My first month of living at the beach is coming to a close. There have been some new developments. I've met some neighbors. Am encouraged that there are more year 'round residents than I first thought. The people I've met seem quite nice. Went to an outdoor music concert with some neighbors and had a very nice time. I really wish my sons would call, email or visit. I miss them so much. My ex husbands mother was a painter and the cottage had several of her works hanging. I have no use for them, she died years before my kids were born so they don't have an attachment to them. They belong with my ex or someone in his family. As an attempt to extend an olive branch to Bob, I gave the paintings to his brother while the and his family were vacationing up here. I hope he will disperse them to his brothers, however, I have yet to get a thank you or even an acknowledgement.
The weather up here is fascinating. One minute it's hot and sunny, then the clouds roll in and the sky darkens. Storm ensues and then as quickly as it started, it's over. Last night I awoke about 3am and even though the trees block out most of the sky, the stars sparkled through the small spaces they offered. I wanted to get up and walk to the beach to view the sky, but the body wasn't willing. Maybe tonight.
I've tried to "put myself out there" as my friends have encouraged. I noticed an open casting call for a movie being shot up here and signed up to be an extra. However when I got called I was given some lines! I have never acted, even in high school. The director, cast and crew were very nice, I was twice as old as they. The shooting took a long time, I probably stunk, and my part may not even be used in the final film but it was fun and is another step for me finding exactly who I am now.
Had a visit from the Welcome Wagon yesterday. I was surprised how much it saddened me. I've been coming up here for over 35 years with my husband, his family and my kids and only now that I am alone do I get an official welcome. The packet was full of certificates for free things, lots of dinners for 2 and tickets to entertainment venues for 2. It was all I could do to keep from crying as she sat and explained everything to me. After she left I uncorked a bottle of wine and drank it down and cried.
A new day, new hopes, I feel better. Was offered a part time job at a ladies' boutique. 3 days a week and decent pay and nice perks. I love the store's merchandise and the owner seemed very nice so I'm very excited about starting there. 3 days is perfect, enough to get some cash coming in, but also allowing me time to relax and entertain any visitors who may come.
My youngest son has said he will visit me for 5 days in August. I really hope that happens. As I've said more than once,I miss my sons so much. I have saved their phone messages on my phone so I can play them back and listen to their voices. Now that I've left Oak Park, I hope my ex has reaches out to them more. I don't think he has a clue how much they need him in their lives. When his brother and his family were up here with their 2 grown sons. Watching them interact made me so sad for my boys. There are so, so many things I would do different in my life.
The weather up here is fascinating. One minute it's hot and sunny, then the clouds roll in and the sky darkens. Storm ensues and then as quickly as it started, it's over. Last night I awoke about 3am and even though the trees block out most of the sky, the stars sparkled through the small spaces they offered. I wanted to get up and walk to the beach to view the sky, but the body wasn't willing. Maybe tonight.
I've tried to "put myself out there" as my friends have encouraged. I noticed an open casting call for a movie being shot up here and signed up to be an extra. However when I got called I was given some lines! I have never acted, even in high school. The director, cast and crew were very nice, I was twice as old as they. The shooting took a long time, I probably stunk, and my part may not even be used in the final film but it was fun and is another step for me finding exactly who I am now.
Had a visit from the Welcome Wagon yesterday. I was surprised how much it saddened me. I've been coming up here for over 35 years with my husband, his family and my kids and only now that I am alone do I get an official welcome. The packet was full of certificates for free things, lots of dinners for 2 and tickets to entertainment venues for 2. It was all I could do to keep from crying as she sat and explained everything to me. After she left I uncorked a bottle of wine and drank it down and cried.
A new day, new hopes, I feel better. Was offered a part time job at a ladies' boutique. 3 days a week and decent pay and nice perks. I love the store's merchandise and the owner seemed very nice so I'm very excited about starting there. 3 days is perfect, enough to get some cash coming in, but also allowing me time to relax and entertain any visitors who may come.
My youngest son has said he will visit me for 5 days in August. I really hope that happens. As I've said more than once,I miss my sons so much. I have saved their phone messages on my phone so I can play them back and listen to their voices. Now that I've left Oak Park, I hope my ex has reaches out to them more. I don't think he has a clue how much they need him in their lives. When his brother and his family were up here with their 2 grown sons. Watching them interact made me so sad for my boys. There are so, so many things I would do different in my life.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
I Miss The City
Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love living at the beach but I'm finding I'm surrounded by either staunch Republicans or people who are totally non-political. I'm used to a much more lively conversation than I'm getting up here.
The place looks great though, and I'm off today for a 3 hour drive to meet up with my family for a family party. More questions, more comments on my wardrobe, more career suggestions, everyone is an expert on what I should do with my life. I just want to be a guest and enjoy myself. When you're divorced everyone has to comment and everyone knows better than you do about your life. I was at a party not long ago and told people I was a widow. Funny, they all said they were sorry and just dropped the conversation. It was very freeing. I didn't feel like I was really lying, since in a since I am a widow. My ex husband isn't dead but my marraige and life plans certainly are. Might use that one again when I just don't feel like listening to all the shit.
The place looks great though, and I'm off today for a 3 hour drive to meet up with my family for a family party. More questions, more comments on my wardrobe, more career suggestions, everyone is an expert on what I should do with my life. I just want to be a guest and enjoy myself. When you're divorced everyone has to comment and everyone knows better than you do about your life. I was at a party not long ago and told people I was a widow. Funny, they all said they were sorry and just dropped the conversation. It was very freeing. I didn't feel like I was really lying, since in a since I am a widow. My ex husband isn't dead but my marraige and life plans certainly are. Might use that one again when I just don't feel like listening to all the shit.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Slowly the layers peel away
I've been here at the beach for one week. Trying to keep busy unpacking but there is still a lot of down time for self examination. My new neighbors have invited me to a "welcome to the neighborhood" dinner Friday I'm very touched by that and looking forward to it.
It puts more cement into my decision. I feel a little less like I'm floundering. My unpacking is cathartic. It's a way of ridding myself of the material things I don't need and unpacking and releasing that inner baggage that has been wearing me down. I noticed today that for the first time in over a year, I don't wake up with big bags under my eyes. It's happening slowly, but it is happening.
Still putting up pictures, trying to surround myself with my son's artwork. Somehow it makes me feel their presence here with me. I love and miss them so much. They range from work they did from grade school through college. The styles are from classical to modern. There is a Piccasso-esk ink drawing next to a classic watercolor still life . . . Interesting. Looking at my ex-stepdaughters artwork saddens me. What the hell happened there? My ex had been married very young and had a lovely daughter. During our marraige he made it very clear that she was his daughter and I was to not "parent" her at all. I thought ours was a special friendship relationship. She made a point of telling me that she didn't want to refer to me at step mom because I was more like a mom to her. She introduced me to her friends as her mother. She was 3 when I met her father, she is 35 now. I supported all her ventures, had a jewely show when she was starting her jewelry line, I hosted her wedding reception in my back yard, and we celebrated all her birthday, graduation milestones and tried to include her in all our vacations, etc. as her mom (his ex) would permit. Somewhere during the divorce I received an email from her husband telling me that the divorce was too stressful for his then pregnant wife and she is choosing to sever all contact with me. That was 2 years ago. In addition to not seeing her, I have not seen my grandchildren. To all those people and experts who think waiting until the children are grown to get divorced somehow eases the pain I would argue. The pain is widespread no mater what age the parties or duration of the marraige. 2 years ago I was a step mother, a grandmother, an aunt and a sister in law. There were over 30 people that I was connected to on a regular basis and now a lot of them are gone from my life. The ones I really care about have stayed in my life but I have had to redefine my relationship to so many people.
I received my maintenance check today. I guess that means Bob read his postcard I sent. He had the choice of sending me the total amount up front but he chose monthly payments. It's rather gratifying that he thinks of me at leaset once a month. I do love the fact that I know I won't run into him ever up here. There was always that angst back home that I'd run into either him or his big fat lady love.
So am I any closer to figuring out what and who I am? How long will I be floundering in this mess? Imagine being in the deep lake with no bottom and no land in sight. In which direction do I go?
It puts more cement into my decision. I feel a little less like I'm floundering. My unpacking is cathartic. It's a way of ridding myself of the material things I don't need and unpacking and releasing that inner baggage that has been wearing me down. I noticed today that for the first time in over a year, I don't wake up with big bags under my eyes. It's happening slowly, but it is happening.
Still putting up pictures, trying to surround myself with my son's artwork. Somehow it makes me feel their presence here with me. I love and miss them so much. They range from work they did from grade school through college. The styles are from classical to modern. There is a Piccasso-esk ink drawing next to a classic watercolor still life . . . Interesting. Looking at my ex-stepdaughters artwork saddens me. What the hell happened there? My ex had been married very young and had a lovely daughter. During our marraige he made it very clear that she was his daughter and I was to not "parent" her at all. I thought ours was a special friendship relationship. She made a point of telling me that she didn't want to refer to me at step mom because I was more like a mom to her. She introduced me to her friends as her mother. She was 3 when I met her father, she is 35 now. I supported all her ventures, had a jewely show when she was starting her jewelry line, I hosted her wedding reception in my back yard, and we celebrated all her birthday, graduation milestones and tried to include her in all our vacations, etc. as her mom (his ex) would permit. Somewhere during the divorce I received an email from her husband telling me that the divorce was too stressful for his then pregnant wife and she is choosing to sever all contact with me. That was 2 years ago. In addition to not seeing her, I have not seen my grandchildren. To all those people and experts who think waiting until the children are grown to get divorced somehow eases the pain I would argue. The pain is widespread no mater what age the parties or duration of the marraige. 2 years ago I was a step mother, a grandmother, an aunt and a sister in law. There were over 30 people that I was connected to on a regular basis and now a lot of them are gone from my life. The ones I really care about have stayed in my life but I have had to redefine my relationship to so many people.
I received my maintenance check today. I guess that means Bob read his postcard I sent. He had the choice of sending me the total amount up front but he chose monthly payments. It's rather gratifying that he thinks of me at leaset once a month. I do love the fact that I know I won't run into him ever up here. There was always that angst back home that I'd run into either him or his big fat lady love.
So am I any closer to figuring out what and who I am? How long will I be floundering in this mess? Imagine being in the deep lake with no bottom and no land in sight. In which direction do I go?
Monday, July 11, 2011
What Am I doing Here?
So, I'm now up in Wisconsin at my lake house. My two older boys moved me in last week. Had to downsize so much. In the past 3 years I've gone from a 4bedroom 3-story house to a 3 bedroom apartment and then to a 1 bedroom apartment and now to my lake house that was already furnished. I've had to sell almost all my furniture, have gone from 3 closets of clothes to one, and have got rid of almost all my dishes. I must admit it feels good to be rid of all that baggage. I used to wonder how on earth my ex husband could walk out with just his toothbrush and start a new life, but I kind of understand it now. However, he also walked out without any pictures or memories of his kids. I put together a box of pictures for him just because I couldn't understand how on earth he could do that. I've downsized my pictures, etc. and my Christmas decorations. I had 8 boxes, and now I have 6. Have to downsize more. It's very very hard and painful. All the pictures and cute things my kids made all those years. How does one get rid of that?
Speaking of children, I am in such pain because my youngest (age 24) has not called me since I've been here. He's very low tech, no computer, never uses his cell phone. He's been working on an organic farm for the summer and has been totally incommunicado. I really wish he would call. My imagination is going wild. Are they a cult? Are they holding him and not allowing him to call? Has he been hurt in a farm accident? I'm not used to not hearing from my kids for such a long time. I wish my boys would call me more. My friends who are mothers of girls all talk about how they talk every day, my friends with boys all suffer the same non-calling. If I had a stroke or heart attack here, no one would find me for a long time.
It is beautiful here. Have been here a week. My boys were here for 2 days, 2 girlfriends from home came up and spend 2 days already and my ex's sister and her family were renting a cottage down the beach earlier this week and I visited with them for a while. My neighbors are great, but it's still lonely. Thank goodness for Internet, cellphones and cable. I feel connected.
I've had a lot of time to think about the last few years and there were so many red flags that I just either didn't see or chose to ignore. But that is one of the reasons I'm up here, to figure it all out. I remember my ex telling me that the only reason I didn't want a divorce was because I was scared of being alone and not having the security of his paycheck. I denied of course, but looking back I think he was definitely right. This is all very scary. When I'm really thinking about my future it terrifies me.
Well this is supposed to be an adventure of self discovery, and that is definitely what it is. Haven't we all at one point thought of just getting away from it all and moving to a cottage in the woods by the sea? This is my adventure and I'll report each day as it unfolds.
For now, this day is done.
Speaking of children, I am in such pain because my youngest (age 24) has not called me since I've been here. He's very low tech, no computer, never uses his cell phone. He's been working on an organic farm for the summer and has been totally incommunicado. I really wish he would call. My imagination is going wild. Are they a cult? Are they holding him and not allowing him to call? Has he been hurt in a farm accident? I'm not used to not hearing from my kids for such a long time. I wish my boys would call me more. My friends who are mothers of girls all talk about how they talk every day, my friends with boys all suffer the same non-calling. If I had a stroke or heart attack here, no one would find me for a long time.
It is beautiful here. Have been here a week. My boys were here for 2 days, 2 girlfriends from home came up and spend 2 days already and my ex's sister and her family were renting a cottage down the beach earlier this week and I visited with them for a while. My neighbors are great, but it's still lonely. Thank goodness for Internet, cellphones and cable. I feel connected.
I've had a lot of time to think about the last few years and there were so many red flags that I just either didn't see or chose to ignore. But that is one of the reasons I'm up here, to figure it all out. I remember my ex telling me that the only reason I didn't want a divorce was because I was scared of being alone and not having the security of his paycheck. I denied of course, but looking back I think he was definitely right. This is all very scary. When I'm really thinking about my future it terrifies me.
Well this is supposed to be an adventure of self discovery, and that is definitely what it is. Haven't we all at one point thought of just getting away from it all and moving to a cottage in the woods by the sea? This is my adventure and I'll report each day as it unfolds.
For now, this day is done.
OMG my lease is up and I'm screwed!!
Well, after the divorce I moved to the city in hopes that I would find a great job and meet a fabulous man. I also thought that since one son lived with me and the other 2 were only 3 blocks away that I would see them often and fantasised about Sunday dinners and life as it always was (without dad). I was naive, hardly saw the one living with me and never saw the others except on Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, at the end of that lease it was back to Oak Park and a much, much smaller and cheaper apartment. So far my cash divorce settlement was winding down considerably and I had to get some income.
My new apartment was 1/3 the cost of the city apartment but guess what? people don't want to hire a 60 year old. I think the HR people reading the resumes (the work resume is very old school I was told) are in their 20's and figure I'm as old as their grandmother so into the trash it goes. The 20 and 30 year olds today grew up on computers and know them like they know how to walk. It's hard to compete with that. Real estate still in the tank, I made a few sales here and there. Took a retail job that I really loved, but the money was still not enough to stop the outpouring of dollars. Panic set in when I learned my rent would be increased at the end of my lease and I would have to pay for parking I still had no insurance and my car needed work.
The horoscope I had stuck on the fridge said that major changes were coming in my life in June. And that by July I could finally after several years. . . . . .breath. How true it was.
My new apartment was 1/3 the cost of the city apartment but guess what? people don't want to hire a 60 year old. I think the HR people reading the resumes (the work resume is very old school I was told) are in their 20's and figure I'm as old as their grandmother so into the trash it goes. The 20 and 30 year olds today grew up on computers and know them like they know how to walk. It's hard to compete with that. Real estate still in the tank, I made a few sales here and there. Took a retail job that I really loved, but the money was still not enough to stop the outpouring of dollars. Panic set in when I learned my rent would be increased at the end of my lease and I would have to pay for parking I still had no insurance and my car needed work.
The horoscope I had stuck on the fridge said that major changes were coming in my life in June. And that by July I could finally after several years. . . . . .breath. How true it was.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The S&%#t hits the fan
I remember the night it happened. A good friend died and I had called my husband at work to join me at the wake. Guess who didn't show. Not only did he not show, but he didn't come home all night. How ironic, we're at a stage of our lives where our friends are dying and I'm dealing with a husband going through a midlife crisis.
Later it took me investigating our cell phone bill to find her number and figure out who she was. I noticed the first date that she called him and (SHE CALLED HIM) talked for a long time was on his birthday. What did he do, call her and cry that his family didn't appreciate him? that he was sooooo misunderstood? the fact he wasn't even home for his birthday probably escaped him.
I remember begging him to go to counseling. If we went to counseling he would see how much his family loved him he'd change his ways. I was not going softly into that good night. Every, and I do mean every, plan I hatched went the wrong way. Later I would realize that he was already checked out from our marriages. There is a book called "Runaway Husbands" that I would later read that enlightened me how the idea of counseling went so wrong. While I was looking for a way to save our marriages, he was looking for the confirmation that our marriages was already over.
At one point things went very, very wrong. I refer to it as my "Jerry Springer Moment". After 2 months of "working on our marriages" and thinking all was working out, he pulled a fast one on Good Friday, 2008. He had just gotten off the phone with me telling me he was working late and would call me when he was on the way home. I had a few things to buy at the store. On the way to the store (she lives 1 block from the store) I saw his car. Not pretty. There was police involved, and I was told by the very young cop that I was not behaving like a woman my age should act. (punk) .
Life went on, I looked like shit, but I did loose I boatload of weight. I'm close to 6' tall and weighed about 135, size 8, but everyone told me I looked terrible. I was determined to save my marriages. Even went so far as to confront her. Nothing worked.
That is when I called a lawyer. It was time to get the hell out of this. My lawyer was a lifeline. More times than I can count he talked me off a cliff. I will be forever indebted to him. If he ever reads this I hope he learns what an incredible friend and help he was to me.
The divorce was messy and ugly and took over a year to finalize. In the end, I had to sell our Oak Park home, but I got to keep our vacation home on the beach. After the house in Oak Park sold, I moved to Chicago thinking I would get a great job. Little did I know that ageism is alive and well. Nothing. $1300.00/month rent and utilities coming out of my retirement.
Important advise for anyone of my age group divorcing. The court doesn't care that you sacrificed to stay at home and raise the kids. It doesn't care that you have no earning power and that once divorced you can't afford health insurance. Bob conveniently got "laid off" 2 weeks before our final court hearing so he didn't have to pay me ANYTHING!!!.
If just one woman reads this and is forewarned about the court system, I will be so happy that I could help her.
After a year in Chicago I moved back to Oak Park and got a small 1 bedroom apt. and tried to sell real estate in a depressed market. I also got a retail job. Not to mention that each time I moved I had to down size my furniture and sell off so many family antiques and things I loved.
I gave real estate in Oak Park one year (that was my lease).
Later it took me investigating our cell phone bill to find her number and figure out who she was. I noticed the first date that she called him and (SHE CALLED HIM) talked for a long time was on his birthday. What did he do, call her and cry that his family didn't appreciate him? that he was sooooo misunderstood? the fact he wasn't even home for his birthday probably escaped him.
I remember begging him to go to counseling. If we went to counseling he would see how much his family loved him he'd change his ways. I was not going softly into that good night. Every, and I do mean every, plan I hatched went the wrong way. Later I would realize that he was already checked out from our marriages. There is a book called "Runaway Husbands" that I would later read that enlightened me how the idea of counseling went so wrong. While I was looking for a way to save our marriages, he was looking for the confirmation that our marriages was already over.
At one point things went very, very wrong. I refer to it as my "Jerry Springer Moment". After 2 months of "working on our marriages" and thinking all was working out, he pulled a fast one on Good Friday, 2008. He had just gotten off the phone with me telling me he was working late and would call me when he was on the way home. I had a few things to buy at the store. On the way to the store (she lives 1 block from the store) I saw his car. Not pretty. There was police involved, and I was told by the very young cop that I was not behaving like a woman my age should act. (punk) .
Life went on, I looked like shit, but I did loose I boatload of weight. I'm close to 6' tall and weighed about 135, size 8, but everyone told me I looked terrible. I was determined to save my marriages. Even went so far as to confront her. Nothing worked.
That is when I called a lawyer. It was time to get the hell out of this. My lawyer was a lifeline. More times than I can count he talked me off a cliff. I will be forever indebted to him. If he ever reads this I hope he learns what an incredible friend and help he was to me.
The divorce was messy and ugly and took over a year to finalize. In the end, I had to sell our Oak Park home, but I got to keep our vacation home on the beach. After the house in Oak Park sold, I moved to Chicago thinking I would get a great job. Little did I know that ageism is alive and well. Nothing. $1300.00/month rent and utilities coming out of my retirement.
Important advise for anyone of my age group divorcing. The court doesn't care that you sacrificed to stay at home and raise the kids. It doesn't care that you have no earning power and that once divorced you can't afford health insurance. Bob conveniently got "laid off" 2 weeks before our final court hearing so he didn't have to pay me ANYTHING!!!.
If just one woman reads this and is forewarned about the court system, I will be so happy that I could help her.
After a year in Chicago I moved back to Oak Park and got a small 1 bedroom apt. and tried to sell real estate in a depressed market. I also got a retail job. Not to mention that each time I moved I had to down size my furniture and sell off so many family antiques and things I loved.
I gave real estate in Oak Park one year (that was my lease).
How did that happen?!
Hello,
Three years ago my life was pretty routine. A nice home in Oak Park, a nice suburb of Chicago with big homes with big front porches where you know your neighbors and people look out for one another. I sold real estate in a booming market and my husband of almost 30 years (an electrician) and I were happy . . . or so I thought. Granted there were many bumps in the road and a few cracks in the armour, but all marriages have snags and once the kids left home we could concentrate on one another and life would be good. I was looking forward to his retirement in a few years and moving up to Wisconsin to our beach home. That was my view of the marriage. It was soon to come crashing down.
This blog is not about the gory details, though I will probably touch on them from time to time. This is about healing. How does a woman in her 60's find a job, become financially secure, and figure out her life direction that has suddenly changed. It's like being on a roller coaster. Your screaming down the hill, scared as hell, but it's okay because you know you will end up safe at the end. Now picture roaring down that same hill only to find that the track is missing up ahead and suddenly you are thrown into the dark and don't have a clue where you are or how you will land and if you'll be alive to tell about it.
Fall of 2007 my husband takes a job that calls for long hours and weekends. Being a union man, that meant overtime pay that we needed. Everything seemed okay. Like I said, our marriage had hit a rough patch; we didn't talk all that much, didn't have sex all that much but I didn't notice anything. The annual neighborhood Halloween party coming up, Bob mentioned that there was a woman he worked with who lived in town and could he invite her. Sure, no problem (or so I thought). At the party I served her drinks, and appetizers. I even washed her serving plate that she brought snacks on. I tried to talk to her, what it was like being a female electrician in such a male dominated profession. Little did I know I was talking to the woman who was calculating and planning the demise of my marriage, the destruction of my family and the ruin of my sons and their father's relationship.
Three years ago my life was pretty routine. A nice home in Oak Park, a nice suburb of Chicago with big homes with big front porches where you know your neighbors and people look out for one another. I sold real estate in a booming market and my husband of almost 30 years (an electrician) and I were happy . . . or so I thought. Granted there were many bumps in the road and a few cracks in the armour, but all marriages have snags and once the kids left home we could concentrate on one another and life would be good. I was looking forward to his retirement in a few years and moving up to Wisconsin to our beach home. That was my view of the marriage. It was soon to come crashing down.
This blog is not about the gory details, though I will probably touch on them from time to time. This is about healing. How does a woman in her 60's find a job, become financially secure, and figure out her life direction that has suddenly changed. It's like being on a roller coaster. Your screaming down the hill, scared as hell, but it's okay because you know you will end up safe at the end. Now picture roaring down that same hill only to find that the track is missing up ahead and suddenly you are thrown into the dark and don't have a clue where you are or how you will land and if you'll be alive to tell about it.
Fall of 2007 my husband takes a job that calls for long hours and weekends. Being a union man, that meant overtime pay that we needed. Everything seemed okay. Like I said, our marriage had hit a rough patch; we didn't talk all that much, didn't have sex all that much but I didn't notice anything. The annual neighborhood Halloween party coming up, Bob mentioned that there was a woman he worked with who lived in town and could he invite her. Sure, no problem (or so I thought). At the party I served her drinks, and appetizers. I even washed her serving plate that she brought snacks on. I tried to talk to her, what it was like being a female electrician in such a male dominated profession. Little did I know I was talking to the woman who was calculating and planning the demise of my marriage, the destruction of my family and the ruin of my sons and their father's relationship.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)