Self-reliant . . . A word I can now proudly use in reference to myself. Since living along I've become pretty handy with a chainsaw. Can shovel my 100 foot driveway, powerwash and refinish my deck, do a few minor car repairs and as of yesterday, rewire an outlet (replaced my regular switch with a dimmer switch). Small steps, but significant nonetheless.
I must admit that before I rewired the switch I put on full makeup, just in case I had to call the fire department.
Granted it would be nice to have someone else here to pat me on the back and say "well done", but that's more okay than a year ago and getting better each day.,,little by little.
Like I've said before, if I knew how long this whole recovery process would take, I would have made serious changes in my life 20 years ago.
Congratulations Linda! These are remarkable advances! Staying physically active keeps us from dwelling on emotional issues. Stay busy and active...the rest is bound to fall into place.
ReplyDeleteHugs from California!
Cyndy
Well, I'd like to say congratulations! You have accomplished a lot!
ReplyDeleteDiane
Dear Linda,
ReplyDeleteI have enjoyed your posts for a few years now and was brought to them again today.... I have been teetering on the thought of separation/divorce for these last few years and your blog posts have helped give me vision. I had you in my favorites on my laptop. Just last night my Hubby admitted that he looked through my favorites and found yours and other information I had collected on Gray divorce. This is my own personal laptop and I use it for business.... he was snooping.
He asked me last night if I was going to divorce him... I said I had given it much thought but he finished my sentence...."you feel trapped because ...how will you survive financially?" I said yes. WE talked a bit more and then that was the end of it. Typical, we never finish these kinds of hard conversations.
I would like to try but I am not sure I can afford to do it on my own and wonder how you have managed. Too many questions to ask in a public forum.
I have worked only part time in my own business for years and am getting ready to retire... we both are next year.
At any rate, thank you for your posts. I am proud of you and your new normal. I wish I could talk to you in person and tell you "Well done!"
Ms. Strassburg: We need a halfway house for older women who need to get on their feet financially after a late-in-life divorce. Something nice by the beach! I know what you are going through...I can't leave my Mr. Wonderful for the same reason. -cyndy
DeleteThank God I found some of you!! Here I am....not actually Divorced yet but emotionally abandoned over 19 years ago and in 2011 actually abandoned. Denial is a a bigger "D" word than Divorce. I find myself slipping every now and again back into the thought process that sounds like...."he didn't really mean that?" He is just stressed or tired or confused like he says. I bought it though!! I believed in it all. Wish I could be near a beach and quit playing out another life in my head. It is Saturday night and I am having a glass of wine....yeah, by myself...no, not an alcoholic. Have spent the last few years helping my daughter finish high school and studying myself to "find a better job".....that didn't work out yet so I decided to take on a part-time retail position and work on another certificate. This time in Medical Office Admin. Credit funds are gone and I live in low rental housing and cannot afford to finish the program yet. No financial gain from my Ex leaving. Both of my children live on the west coast close to him and I am a single woman turning 60. Most of what transpires in my day-to-day life is a case of "darned if you do and darned if you don't" and I sincerely try to remain positive and try to refrain from being the "bitter woman" because that scares me more than anything else. I was raised on Happily Ever After and was filled with hope and creative energy but I mostly feel like a fool. I also think there are many women in this world in the same situation. No financial security. I think we would all function much better with the funds to alter at least some of the challenges we are faced with and have a higher degree of creative energy as a consequence. Any thoughts on this and where to go from here?
DeleteIf only we could get beyond "How will I survive?" You could have much more hope of improving the energy in your relationship than you may realize though, but I suspect your partner may be holding out for an act of resignation on your part. It almost sounds like he may be involved elsewhere. If you decide to ask him what he would like to change in your relationship to improve it...what do you think he would say? If you asked him if he is thinking about a divorce, what would he say and if he says yes, what is your next question? If he says no, what is your next question? Something needs to change and you would probably both agree on that one. The question is....what will he do and what will you do to make it happen? I think it does have to be a contribution by both people, not necessarily an equal one though. Take good care and be kind to yourself while you sort through this stuff....it's a tough one.....as you already know.
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ReplyDeleteHi Linda: I hope your silence on your blog is an indication that you have found happiness and that you are healthy and growing. We miss your blogging and hope you return to give us an update. Until then, take care! -- Cyndy
ReplyDeleteI am quite taken with the idea of a halfway house for women in their 60's going through divorce. As some of us still love their exes or soon to be exes, or whatever they are right now, perhaps we could throw in a bit of addiction treatment? Anyway, I hope you all are having a nice Saturday evening.
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