Why is it that men in their 60's aren't any different than boys in their teens.  It's high school all over again!  After months (years) of trying to regain my self importance, they can shit on you and it's back to square one in an instant.

I have been dating some.  however, right after they start to get a little close they disappear.  I met a great man who was quirky and different and sweet.  We emailed and every day I received sweet emails; he said sweet things, quoted poetry and I was hooked.  Had my guard up though after being hurt so bad.  "let your guard down and let love in" well, I did and guess what. He vanished and once again I got shit on.  Another hung up on me.  Not intentionally, he just wasn't listening to me and probably didn't even know I was talking and just hung up.  When I told him about it, no apology, just never called back.  I cancelled one date with another one because it was 2 days before Christmas and he hasn't called back either.  WTF, I'm sick of it.

I watched Sex and the City Reruns today.  The one where Carrie moves to Paris to get away from Mr.Big and start her new life. She roams the streets of the most romantic city in the world alone and sad because she didn't find what she was looking for.  That's how I feel up here.  It's glorious up here and I should be overflowing with joy, but I'm sad and miss my friends and my life.

What is it about me that as soon as a man either comes to my house or comes to my bed, vanishes the next day?

I don't want to get married again, but I do want love.  I want someone to love me; I want someone to fight for me.  I want the kind of love that is crazy, stomach fluttering, can't sleep, think of each other every minute joyous, crazy love.  Is it out there for me?