Four years ago I signed up for Match.com. One of the first men I met was Mountain Man. I call him that because when he first contacted me he was out west in the mountains camping and enjoying nature with his beloved dog George. He was so different from any man I've even met. Extremely manly, rugged, but very soft and sensitive. A poet, a dreamer. Long greying hair, earring and ability to build or create anything. He totally swept me away.
We dated only a few times but I feel like I have known him forever. I fell so hard. He moved my soul. He broke it off not too long after our meeting for reasons I wish I knew. His letters to me, his phone calls to me were so filled with tenderness and love, I am still baffled by it.
No day goes by without me thinking of him, not dwelling on him, just a passing flutter in my mind, producing a smile or a tear. Occasionally he joins me in a dream. He set the bar very high. Every man I have dated since is compared to him, and so far they all fall so short. He's not that tall, many would not think him all that attractive. To me he's beautiful and when he looked at me I knew he could see right into me. He lives just 90 miles away, perhaps he has moved out west to live near his older son, perhaps he has remarried. I hope he's still alive and well.
I've often thought of contacting him one more time but I just couldn't stand being rejected so I will continue to dream. I contacted him once over the past 4 years to get a reference for real estate (he was never a client, but he wrote a beautiful essay about me) ...and another time to ask a question about purchasing chain saws (lol). That's all.
How can a man that I saw only a few times have so swept in and ran away with my heart? I feel the tears welling up as I write this. Mountain Man....I love and miss you. . . . even though you have ruined any chance for me to form a serious relationship (lol)
Afterthought: The beauty of writing things down is it has a way of putting things in the right perspective. Upon re-reading the above post, I realized how silly it all sounds. I don't need him. He was in my life at a time that I needed him, and now he's out and I don't. This is one of Oprah's "Ahaa!" moments. Time does heal wounds. Maybe not at the speed you would prefer, but it does the job eventually.
Linda, how could a man you saw only a few times swept you away? Because you are an open, loving soul who is
ReplyDeletelooking for genuine, abiding love. Despite all of Mountain Man's qualities, he lacked the one attribute deserving of your love: ability to attach and permanently bond
to another human being. You don't deserve someone so incomplete that he can't even supply a reason for breaking it off. Pretty lame in my book. Be thankful that you did not find this out after 20 years of marriage to him.
You are one who loves much. So am I.
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