Somehow the last few posts have got out of order. So if the continuity is a little cra-cra, that's why.
It makes sense, just a little wonky.
Sorry, I don't know how to rearrange them.
Monday, January 26, 2015
First post in my new "no more whining" position on life. I had a major, MAJOR setback the other week but I won't go into it as it doesn't conform to my new outlook on life and I just don't want to share.
Weather is getting cold and blustery. Leaves off the trees and winter on the way. I am dreading the winter. Hear mixed reports of what's to come. Some say it's going to be milder than last winter (which won't be hard to do) and some say it will be worse. Now how much worse can it be after almost 50 days in a row below -10degrees!!
My "left at 2am without a reason" guy show up again. He's turning into a very good friend and I'm glad I gave him a second chance. Really came through for me in a pinch. So lesson learned: don't be so quick to judge and ALWAYS give people a second chance and we all fuck up on occasion so just lighten up!
It's rutting season for the deer up here and I have found that this is kinda a universal season among all males of all species. The dating sights are lighting up like crazy and guys are all calling wanting to do chores around my house. I've noticed over the past few years that this all coincides with nature. Those poor bucks don't have to do chores to get the doe's attention (just risk getting shot at). But I love the extra help so no complaints.
It's very hard to maintain a house by yourself. Even if you have a spouse or roommate with no handyman skills, it's nice to have another person to help walk the dog on rainy nights, scrape windshields, do simple household stuff, paint, run errands, etc. Not to mention just holding your hand when it's storming like hell outside.
I've given moving a great deal of thought lately. I love it here, but my neighbors, though very nice, are all retired and pretty set in their retired ways. If I go anywhere I need either a date, or drive 10-20 miles to my friends up here, which means driving back late at night alone. (not fun) The beach is fantastic, but unless I have company, I rarely go walking on it.
Weather is getting cold and blustery. Leaves off the trees and winter on the way. I am dreading the winter. Hear mixed reports of what's to come. Some say it's going to be milder than last winter (which won't be hard to do) and some say it will be worse. Now how much worse can it be after almost 50 days in a row below -10degrees!!
My "left at 2am without a reason" guy show up again. He's turning into a very good friend and I'm glad I gave him a second chance. Really came through for me in a pinch. So lesson learned: don't be so quick to judge and ALWAYS give people a second chance and we all fuck up on occasion so just lighten up!
It's rutting season for the deer up here and I have found that this is kinda a universal season among all males of all species. The dating sights are lighting up like crazy and guys are all calling wanting to do chores around my house. I've noticed over the past few years that this all coincides with nature. Those poor bucks don't have to do chores to get the doe's attention (just risk getting shot at). But I love the extra help so no complaints.
It's very hard to maintain a house by yourself. Even if you have a spouse or roommate with no handyman skills, it's nice to have another person to help walk the dog on rainy nights, scrape windshields, do simple household stuff, paint, run errands, etc. Not to mention just holding your hand when it's storming like hell outside.
I've given moving a great deal of thought lately. I love it here, but my neighbors, though very nice, are all retired and pretty set in their retired ways. If I go anywhere I need either a date, or drive 10-20 miles to my friends up here, which means driving back late at night alone. (not fun) The beach is fantastic, but unless I have company, I rarely go walking on it.
Sex.... At 66? Are you kidding me???? I think that is the worst thing about dating again. You go out with a nice guy once and you're back in high school. "Do I kiss him?" If I go too far will he think I'm cheap? I've decided that there are none of those stupid rules for me anymore. First of all the only reason we were afraid to have sex at teenagers was the fear of pregnancy. That isn't happening , so what's the hold up.=? Afraid he'll think you're a slut? HA! that train has left the station. By this age we've all had sex and probably a lot of it. There's no pretending we're virgins or have some stellar reputation to uphold. I like sex. Didn't so much with my ex but have found out that now I am much more relaxed (a little help from the Energizer Bunny if you get my drift). has taught me I can have an orgasm and not be embarrassed.
I read a funny article once that said as part of your final arrangements you should designate some friend that as soon as you die, she will run to your house and clear your hard drive and rid your night stand of all the sex toys before your kids get there to pack up your stuff.
I do have this nagging little fear that I'll have a heart attack in bed and they'll find me with a vibrator in my vagina. AAUURRGH! Could there be anything worse? Hope I'll have enough time to yank it out if that happens. I know, you're thinking this is really stupid, but when you live alone, these things rattle around in your head. It's also another good reason to wear full make up all the time. (crazy?? )
I am amazed at the, how shall I say it, diminutive size that most men in their late 50's and 60's are.
Maybe I'm spoiled my ex was an asshole but he was hung like a horse. Men I meet now are teeny weeny in comparison. If they manage an erection, I can't even feel him in there. Having birthed 3 kids. I'm not as tight as I once was. They still manage to make comments about that so as to blame me for the failure in bed. Have yet to have a really successful night. All that in mind, I'm doing just find on my own.
And please if any men are reading this. Ditch the tighty whiteys. I haven't seen them since my kids were 7. A grown man should wear grown men under ware. Those TW's are a total turn off. Plus they've probably had them for years and they are always dingy and saggy. Do they even sell then any more? Probably bought by there ex-wives 35 years ago.
When I was first divorced, I was trying very hard to feel young and beautiful. Got some passes from younger (40's) men and went out with some. Got that out of my system. I wanted to see what the attraction was since my husband decided he wanted someone that age. That didn't last long. If I had got divorced 15 years ago things would be very different. My husband claimed that the marriage was over 15 years before. If that was true, I wish he had divorced me then I would be 50 now. Young enough to easily start over in my love life and career. Not so much now.
There is a new TV show on Bravo TV called "A Girlfriends Guid to Divorce" Very funny. If you haven't seen it, check it out. Some of the lines are identical to lines I've written in this blog. I assume they aren't reading this, so it's probably just a universal thing. If they are getting ideas from this, I want my check! I see myself somehow in every show. The star also has 3 friends who could be any of our friends. Great show. Will give you a laugh.
I read a funny article once that said as part of your final arrangements you should designate some friend that as soon as you die, she will run to your house and clear your hard drive and rid your night stand of all the sex toys before your kids get there to pack up your stuff.
I do have this nagging little fear that I'll have a heart attack in bed and they'll find me with a vibrator in my vagina. AAUURRGH! Could there be anything worse? Hope I'll have enough time to yank it out if that happens. I know, you're thinking this is really stupid, but when you live alone, these things rattle around in your head. It's also another good reason to wear full make up all the time. (crazy?? )
I am amazed at the, how shall I say it, diminutive size that most men in their late 50's and 60's are.
Maybe I'm spoiled my ex was an asshole but he was hung like a horse. Men I meet now are teeny weeny in comparison. If they manage an erection, I can't even feel him in there. Having birthed 3 kids. I'm not as tight as I once was. They still manage to make comments about that so as to blame me for the failure in bed. Have yet to have a really successful night. All that in mind, I'm doing just find on my own.
And please if any men are reading this. Ditch the tighty whiteys. I haven't seen them since my kids were 7. A grown man should wear grown men under ware. Those TW's are a total turn off. Plus they've probably had them for years and they are always dingy and saggy. Do they even sell then any more? Probably bought by there ex-wives 35 years ago.
When I was first divorced, I was trying very hard to feel young and beautiful. Got some passes from younger (40's) men and went out with some. Got that out of my system. I wanted to see what the attraction was since my husband decided he wanted someone that age. That didn't last long. If I had got divorced 15 years ago things would be very different. My husband claimed that the marriage was over 15 years before. If that was true, I wish he had divorced me then I would be 50 now. Young enough to easily start over in my love life and career. Not so much now.
There is a new TV show on Bravo TV called "A Girlfriends Guid to Divorce" Very funny. If you haven't seen it, check it out. Some of the lines are identical to lines I've written in this blog. I assume they aren't reading this, so it's probably just a universal thing. If they are getting ideas from this, I want my check! I see myself somehow in every show. The star also has 3 friends who could be any of our friends. Great show. Will give you a laugh.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Bath 101
So, it's been probably 25 or 30 years since I took a bath. When my ex and I were first married we lived in a little home in dire need of rehabbing. It had one bathroom off the kitchen with no shower and only a sink, toilet and claw foot tub. Barely had room for shelving for extra towels. Baths were an every day feature. In face we would boil a pot of water on the stove and pour it into the tub to try to heat up that old cast iron tub before we filled it.
All our work rehabbing the house, the bathroom always got pushed to the bottom of the list, so we ended up living with that little bathroom until we (and our 3 young sons) moved to another home with A SHOWER!!
Part of my 2015 resolutions is to try new things. This counts. So it's 11pm Saturday nite and I decide I need a bath. . I've been going through some pretty nasty legal issues lately and just needed to Zen out some.
First I turned on the portable heater in the bathroom and shut the door for about 1/2 hour to heat up the room (and tub) nicely. But, what if I got in and then couldn't get out? This once limber body doesn't move like it used to. Would they find my body weeks later all shriveled up in the tub or would I have the nerve to actually call someone to pull me out? So first I laid my bathrobe across the toilet so if I did have to call the paramedics to get me out of the tub I could cover myself. Next I put my wine, and the bottle, next to the tub so I could drink while I waited, and lastly my phone was in reachable range. A couple candles, turned off the lights and the mood was set.
A hot tub, 3 drops of Aargon oil to soften the water and very slowly lowered myself in. Not so graceful the last 5 inches which caused my worry mode to set in as to whether or not I could actually get myself out.
Baths are supposed to be so relaxing. Relax I did with the exception of that little voice in my head saying "Great, enjoy, now how the hell do we get out of this thing?"
The 3 drops of Argon oil did indeed soften the water but it also made the tub very, very slippery (a big rookie mistake?)
20 minutes and a few glasses of wine later, it was time to test my upper body strength. Can't scootch up, no room;can't turn around and get up that way, no room; arthritic knees prohibit my pulling my feet under me. FUCK! my worst nightmare is coming true!!
Calm down Linda. Okay pushed to the back of the tub, pushed my self to the side of the tub hard enough to slide up and actually rest my butt on the edge of the tub. YAHOO! Stood up and stepped out very, very, very carefully as the tub was totally slippery due to that damn Aargon oil. So I made it, Any stress released was immediately back in my body with my worrisome and difficult exit. Then I had to clean the oily dirty ring out of the tub and take a shower anyway to get all the bath water off me. So what, I ask all you bath takers, is the big deal of baths? It's just not worth risking my life and a lifetime of embarrassment ever again. Showers forever.
See? Another annoying down side to being old and living alone. There is always that little voice in my head worrying about accidents with no one to help. Husbands are good for that. Walk in the woods and get hit on the head by a falling branch? Slip on the ice? Fall during a late nite dog walk? or even stuck in the tub? No one there. Kinda sucks.
So, it's been probably 25 or 30 years since I took a bath. When my ex and I were first married we lived in a little home in dire need of rehabbing. It had one bathroom off the kitchen with no shower and only a sink, toilet and claw foot tub. Barely had room for shelving for extra towels. Baths were an every day feature. In face we would boil a pot of water on the stove and pour it into the tub to try to heat up that old cast iron tub before we filled it.
All our work rehabbing the house, the bathroom always got pushed to the bottom of the list, so we ended up living with that little bathroom until we (and our 3 young sons) moved to another home with A SHOWER!!
Part of my 2015 resolutions is to try new things. This counts. So it's 11pm Saturday nite and I decide I need a bath. . I've been going through some pretty nasty legal issues lately and just needed to Zen out some.
First I turned on the portable heater in the bathroom and shut the door for about 1/2 hour to heat up the room (and tub) nicely. But, what if I got in and then couldn't get out? This once limber body doesn't move like it used to. Would they find my body weeks later all shriveled up in the tub or would I have the nerve to actually call someone to pull me out? So first I laid my bathrobe across the toilet so if I did have to call the paramedics to get me out of the tub I could cover myself. Next I put my wine, and the bottle, next to the tub so I could drink while I waited, and lastly my phone was in reachable range. A couple candles, turned off the lights and the mood was set.
A hot tub, 3 drops of Aargon oil to soften the water and very slowly lowered myself in. Not so graceful the last 5 inches which caused my worry mode to set in as to whether or not I could actually get myself out.
Baths are supposed to be so relaxing. Relax I did with the exception of that little voice in my head saying "Great, enjoy, now how the hell do we get out of this thing?"
The 3 drops of Argon oil did indeed soften the water but it also made the tub very, very slippery (a big rookie mistake?)
20 minutes and a few glasses of wine later, it was time to test my upper body strength. Can't scootch up, no room;can't turn around and get up that way, no room; arthritic knees prohibit my pulling my feet under me. FUCK! my worst nightmare is coming true!!
Calm down Linda. Okay pushed to the back of the tub, pushed my self to the side of the tub hard enough to slide up and actually rest my butt on the edge of the tub. YAHOO! Stood up and stepped out very, very, very carefully as the tub was totally slippery due to that damn Aargon oil. So I made it, Any stress released was immediately back in my body with my worrisome and difficult exit. Then I had to clean the oily dirty ring out of the tub and take a shower anyway to get all the bath water off me. So what, I ask all you bath takers, is the big deal of baths? It's just not worth risking my life and a lifetime of embarrassment ever again. Showers forever.
See? Another annoying down side to being old and living alone. There is always that little voice in my head worrying about accidents with no one to help. Husbands are good for that. Walk in the woods and get hit on the head by a falling branch? Slip on the ice? Fall during a late nite dog walk? or even stuck in the tub? No one there. Kinda sucks.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Sunday, October 5, 2014
October, 2014. I have recently had another epiphany that has made me change my attitude and my path. I realize now that I have been wallowing in my losses for just too long. It's true you get back the energy you send out there into the cosmos. I read a quote by Maria Shrive recently and to paraphrase it was basically "You must let go of the life you thought you were going to live in order to truly enjoy the life you have been given". I've decided to live by this and actually recite it to myself often.
I can't change the past and every time I look back my insides die a little. I have a lovely little home in a paradise setting, great friends up in my new area as well as old friends back in Illinois who I see fairly often. I have 3 handsome sons who love me and extended family who I love and love me. I'm not rich but make an almost livable wage which is more than a lot of people in this world. I also live in the greatest country in the world. SO NO MORE PITY PARTIES FOR ME ! ! Also just finished a book called "What Makes Olga Run?" I recommend it. It's a book on the aging process. Olga is a 90+ year old woman who took up sprint running in her mid 70's, is still running and now still holds world records for her age. Of course you are probably thinking as I did that of course she holds world records in her age group as the field is considerably smaller if at all, but that's beside the point. She is out there running! I was a runner in my day. No champion, but did 4 of the Chicago Marathons and many, 5 and 10k's. Why did I stop? I'm a little overweight and a lot older, but hell, if Olga can do it so can I.
I'm also dating. That alone is material for a novel. Dating at 66! First, the men are just a whole different species than they were at 30, 40, 50's. Their parts are rusting or just not working, their teeth are yellow, and PLEASE someone tell these dudes not to buy those bright, white, giant walking shoes!!!!! Where do they even buy them? Plus they make the guys kinda shuffle when they walk. Remember those little plastic walking toys you had as a kid that when you put them on a book or something and tilted it, they would slowly walk down the incline? Every time I see these guys in those shoes I think of those and chuckle. Don't even try to picture them naked in bed. I know I'm not a prize, but then I don't have to look at myself.
Older guys (girls too but not so much) are very set in their ways. So when you're younger and in love, compromise is a given. At this age, I like my house my way, you like your stuff your way. Lets go out have fun and maybe even stay over for a little you-know-what, but back home in the morning please.I would love to find a soul mate and live the rest of my life in love with a great partner, but I don't think I can live with another person full time. Maybe that will change. I'll keep you posted.
Most people my age have grandchildren. I don't. Don't have a big urge to have them, but when that time comes it will be nice and I hope I can refrain from non-stop talking about them. BORING! Please, maybe one picture and a short update, that's it. I also live in a community with a lot of retirees. Most are married and set in their retirement mode so going to plays, clubs, concerts, etc. seem to be out of the picture. Dinner at 5pm? Really? Not too many of the women want to do much without their spouse. I have lunch monthly with the ladies in my neighborhood and several always take half their food home to their husbands. Poor thing will starve. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, they are happy and content with their life. I, on the other hand, am still searching, so I want to go to all the fun stuff and don't mind driving 15-20 miles to try a new restaurant.
Speaking of restaurants, that's an area I have recently somewhat learned to feel comfortable in . Thanks to Tablets and Smart Phones, one can go to a restaurant along and not feel as conspicuous as before. Bars? that's another story. I don't mind sitting at the bar if they serve food and I can get a burger, but going to a bar alone is still not comfortable for me.
I am now off to take that first step at getting my old running body back. Will report my success. Never know who I might meet along the way.
I can't change the past and every time I look back my insides die a little. I have a lovely little home in a paradise setting, great friends up in my new area as well as old friends back in Illinois who I see fairly often. I have 3 handsome sons who love me and extended family who I love and love me. I'm not rich but make an almost livable wage which is more than a lot of people in this world. I also live in the greatest country in the world. SO NO MORE PITY PARTIES FOR ME ! ! Also just finished a book called "What Makes Olga Run?" I recommend it. It's a book on the aging process. Olga is a 90+ year old woman who took up sprint running in her mid 70's, is still running and now still holds world records for her age. Of course you are probably thinking as I did that of course she holds world records in her age group as the field is considerably smaller if at all, but that's beside the point. She is out there running! I was a runner in my day. No champion, but did 4 of the Chicago Marathons and many, 5 and 10k's. Why did I stop? I'm a little overweight and a lot older, but hell, if Olga can do it so can I.
I'm also dating. That alone is material for a novel. Dating at 66! First, the men are just a whole different species than they were at 30, 40, 50's. Their parts are rusting or just not working, their teeth are yellow, and PLEASE someone tell these dudes not to buy those bright, white, giant walking shoes!!!!! Where do they even buy them? Plus they make the guys kinda shuffle when they walk. Remember those little plastic walking toys you had as a kid that when you put them on a book or something and tilted it, they would slowly walk down the incline? Every time I see these guys in those shoes I think of those and chuckle. Don't even try to picture them naked in bed. I know I'm not a prize, but then I don't have to look at myself.
Older guys (girls too but not so much) are very set in their ways. So when you're younger and in love, compromise is a given. At this age, I like my house my way, you like your stuff your way. Lets go out have fun and maybe even stay over for a little you-know-what, but back home in the morning please.I would love to find a soul mate and live the rest of my life in love with a great partner, but I don't think I can live with another person full time. Maybe that will change. I'll keep you posted.
Most people my age have grandchildren. I don't. Don't have a big urge to have them, but when that time comes it will be nice and I hope I can refrain from non-stop talking about them. BORING! Please, maybe one picture and a short update, that's it. I also live in a community with a lot of retirees. Most are married and set in their retirement mode so going to plays, clubs, concerts, etc. seem to be out of the picture. Dinner at 5pm? Really? Not too many of the women want to do much without their spouse. I have lunch monthly with the ladies in my neighborhood and several always take half their food home to their husbands. Poor thing will starve. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, they are happy and content with their life. I, on the other hand, am still searching, so I want to go to all the fun stuff and don't mind driving 15-20 miles to try a new restaurant.
Speaking of restaurants, that's an area I have recently somewhat learned to feel comfortable in . Thanks to Tablets and Smart Phones, one can go to a restaurant along and not feel as conspicuous as before. Bars? that's another story. I don't mind sitting at the bar if they serve food and I can get a burger, but going to a bar alone is still not comfortable for me.
I am now off to take that first step at getting my old running body back. Will report my success. Never know who I might meet along the way.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Summer 2014
July, 2014
Been a long time again since last post. Things going well. Dating some, job going okay. Could use some more money, but since I took early Social Security, I'm limited as to how much I can earn (bummer).
Had someone told me it would take 5-plus years to shed my old self and start over I wouldn't have believed them. Also at my age (65) that's a long time. Big regret not doing this divorce thing 10 years ago rather than trying to make a dead marriage work. I would have been more marketable in the job search arena and looked a lot better back then for the dating scene.
I wonder what I would be doing now if I never met or married Bob. What twists and turns would my life have taken? Also, had I sucked it up and stayed with him what would my life be now? How much abuse would I take and and what kind of woman would I be, and what kind of example would I set for my sons?
Speaking of my ex, I always thought he was so tall, handsome and cool. He posted a new picture on his Facebook page and, wow!, he's an old man now....and not at all attractive. I think if I met him now, I'd not give him a second look. In fact, what was really weird is that it took me a half second to recognize him. I haven't seen him face to face in 4 years and he's changed. It was like seeing a total stranger's picture. A million lifetime's ago.You know when you are in a long term relationship, you can look at your partner and see that young, handsome man he once was, the years of separation changed that, all I see is an old man.
Dating.....Last year I met a guy and fell pretty hard for him. We dated for a few months then I learned he was cheating on his girlfriend with me.. It was a devastating breakup. Caused me several months worth of depression and overeating. That on top of the crazy cold of last winter resulted in about 10lb weight gain. Last winter we had dinner together once, but I never heard back. 2 weeks ago and he's back. I was so excited to see him. We went out and then again yesterday. I had fun, but felt absolutely nothing. The time I wasted being sad about him was all for nothing. Note to self.....this won't happen again. I'll go out with him as I always have a good time, but that's it. Funny, when someone breaks your heart, something in you changes. No going back.
It's summer but hardly any warm days. In fact today I'm wearing a sweater and watching TV with a blanket wrapped around me, Don't know if I can go through another winter. We had over 70 days of below zero weather last winter. In fact not just a little below zero, more like 10 to 20 below! I live on a beautiful beach but there are so few days I enjoy it, seriously thinking about moving, but to where?
Been a long time again since last post. Things going well. Dating some, job going okay. Could use some more money, but since I took early Social Security, I'm limited as to how much I can earn (bummer).
Had someone told me it would take 5-plus years to shed my old self and start over I wouldn't have believed them. Also at my age (65) that's a long time. Big regret not doing this divorce thing 10 years ago rather than trying to make a dead marriage work. I would have been more marketable in the job search arena and looked a lot better back then for the dating scene.
I wonder what I would be doing now if I never met or married Bob. What twists and turns would my life have taken? Also, had I sucked it up and stayed with him what would my life be now? How much abuse would I take and and what kind of woman would I be, and what kind of example would I set for my sons?
Speaking of my ex, I always thought he was so tall, handsome and cool. He posted a new picture on his Facebook page and, wow!, he's an old man now....and not at all attractive. I think if I met him now, I'd not give him a second look. In fact, what was really weird is that it took me a half second to recognize him. I haven't seen him face to face in 4 years and he's changed. It was like seeing a total stranger's picture. A million lifetime's ago.You know when you are in a long term relationship, you can look at your partner and see that young, handsome man he once was, the years of separation changed that, all I see is an old man.
Dating.....Last year I met a guy and fell pretty hard for him. We dated for a few months then I learned he was cheating on his girlfriend with me.. It was a devastating breakup. Caused me several months worth of depression and overeating. That on top of the crazy cold of last winter resulted in about 10lb weight gain. Last winter we had dinner together once, but I never heard back. 2 weeks ago and he's back. I was so excited to see him. We went out and then again yesterday. I had fun, but felt absolutely nothing. The time I wasted being sad about him was all for nothing. Note to self.....this won't happen again. I'll go out with him as I always have a good time, but that's it. Funny, when someone breaks your heart, something in you changes. No going back.
It's summer but hardly any warm days. In fact today I'm wearing a sweater and watching TV with a blanket wrapped around me, Don't know if I can go through another winter. We had over 70 days of below zero weather last winter. In fact not just a little below zero, more like 10 to 20 below! I live on a beautiful beach but there are so few days I enjoy it, seriously thinking about moving, but to where?
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