So I've sold real estate for over 20 years.  Never a major player, but it brought in a nice supplemental income.  The goal was to pay the kids college out of my commissions. This worked perfectly for the first and second kid.  As my third son was at the midway mark thru and loans started piling up, the dreaded real estate crash of 2008 dashed those plans. To add injury to this I got divorced and my ex refuses to help pay off the debts.  Since technically these debts are my sons, the judge refused to order him to pay.  I'm trying to pay it off, but it's a huge burden (tho a labor of love).

Fast forward to now. I spent almost $3,000 taking classes, paying for licensing and membership dues to transfer my license back to Ill.  I started back full of hope only to find that technology has passed me by.  My Wisc. was more traditional.  In Chicago it's light years ahead in technology.  The programs are amazing, but for the past 2 months I've spent time trying to catch up. There's not a shred of paper in the office, every document and transaction is on line. There are ways to get info on a seller to anticipate their next real estate move.  Even simple listing appointments that once were presented at the client's kitchen table are now major PowerPoint presentations.  I feel like a dinosaur. I've been embarrassed in front of other agents more than a few times with my old school ways.  I'm thinking I need to find something new.  Bad news if you are over 60 looking for employment, Ageism is alive and well.  You're the age of the HR person's grandmother!!  Also they look at your Facebook/Instagram, etc. sites to see how many people are in your SOI(sphere of influence). Most of my young friends have hundreds.
I have barely 50.

Last week I had an angiogram. I've had afib (irregular heartbeat) for some time but my Dr. discovered that one side of my heart is too large. (always thought having a big heart was a good thing lol). I'm sure that if I researched it long and hard enough, I would find a connection to my ex. (lol). Anyway  I had no idea that this procedure is considered  heart surgery.(tho minor heart surgery)

So I get prepped which includes having my crotch shaved (what's left).  They prefer going in thru the arm but get the other prepped just in case.  After I'm all ready they wheel me in to the operating room. There are 4 surgical nurses there. One female (who disappeared behind a curtain to operate all the gismos and 3 male who are all my son's ages and incredibly handsome.

One, was particularly cute, with dark hair, tatoos, etc. He had to wipe me (ALL of me) down with alcohol and another got to put electrodes all over my chest. I told them this was a fantasy of mine but in a different time and circumstances.  They laughed....I wanted to die at that point.

Didn't die though, in fact no clogged arteries.  That's good news but it also means more tests (not good news).  None that include nudity. haha

Not only are the nurses young, my Dr. looks 12!  This is really the sad part of aging. When I was young the doctors were all old farts WTF!!

Starting again at 70!

Saying good bye to my sweet little cottage in the woods and heading back to Chicagoland from whence I came. I have come thru the tunnel and after counceling my PTSD is under control and I'm ready to move on.

Folks told me that it takes as long to get over a relationship as the actual relationship. I really don't have 32 years to  wait so ....ENOUGH ALREADY!

Lost my dear sweet puppy (and best friend of 17 years) along the way. He collapsed on the ground as we arrived at our destination.. Vet said he was surprised he lasted as long as he did and that he was probably waiting to make sure I was safely at my new home. I miss him so so much.

Think LIVING SINGLE AT 70! is a better name for this blog. I feel better than I have in years, and even tho I am financially in trouble, feeling extremely positive for what the next decade or 2 I have left with be.

Where the fuck does the time go? Almost a year since my last post. We just thawed out from the snow of the century in April. 24inches!!! Thankfully I was visiting friends in Chicago and missed the fun of a 2-day power outage and a 6 foot high drift in my drive that the plows couldn't get to because the road had 10 foot drifts. If I had been up here I would have been trapped and freezing all alone. ...Which brings me to the realization that I have to act. I'm looking for an apartment in Chicago and am either going to sell this lovely little dream house or put it on Air B&B, whichever comes first.

Dating life is still at a standstill. Friend at my office tried to fix me up.Guy looked normal enough but turns out he's a professional clown!  My life's a mess enough, I don't need more crazy. haha. Men ask me out a lot but I just don't have the energy any more.  Really don't feel like going through all the introductions, looking a grand kids pics, etc. Turning into a wacky old lady...👩

Really looking forward to moving, but really sad about having to quit a great job, miss my woods and beach.  If I can make a go of the Air B&B thing I'll be happy. Just can't take all the solitude any more. Plus I don't want to celebrate my 70th birthday alone, and I'm starting to feel the age thing creeping up. I lose my balance frequently, often leave a burner on or water running and forget about them, have developed Afib so have that to worry about. If anything happens I don't want to wait for the ambulance to come 15 miles out to me and then drive 15 miles to the hospital, with my kids 300 miles way.

My ex and his whore wife moved out to Colorado so I'm free to move  back. The years have made me realize just how much of an abused wife I was. Not only did he knock me around occasionally, he was mentally cruel in many ways. I'm still so angry how he's abandoned his sons, glad he's across the country. He moved to some little town in the middle of nowhere.2 friends of mine were on vacation out west, wearing a sweatshirt from here, and ran into a man who recognized the place on the shirt, they got to talking and , you guessed it, it was him! Damn tho, they didn't mention me, that would have been too fun. They have a second home out there so maybe they'll see him again.I realize I don't know that I would recognize him if I saw him again.Not that I ever will unless one of my boys gets married and invites him which looks slim in both ways.32 years erased.

Purging my closets.  Feels good. I must have hoarder tendencies, the way I hang on to stuff.

Rustoleum "Chalked" paint.  My new favorite thing.  I turned my old, garage sale table and chairs into what I think is a pretty cool little dining set.  A little bit country, a little bit Joanna Gaines.
I like the fresh look. Stuff goes on easy and then I sanded the edges to look "aged". I didn't take a "before" pic but here is the "after".

The problem is I have lots of paint left over and a lot of dark wood furniture.  My kids have assured me they don't want any of it, so I am officially entering my White Country Cottage Era.

Well it's Spring  We were teased for 4 weeks with nice Spring weather but now it's in the 30's and yes, I saw a few snowflakes yesterday.

Getting the house ready for Spring and possibly selling.  I am ready now.

This week the local hospital is having a 2 hour long seminar for women over 60 to learn exercises on bladder control.  OMG is this what my life has degenerated to?  LOL!!

Mountain Man (aka Richard R)

Four years ago I signed up for Match.com. One of the first men I met was Mountain Man. I call him that because when he first contacted me he was out west in the mountains camping and enjoying nature with his beloved dog George.  He was so different from any man I've even met. Extremely manly, rugged, but very soft and sensitive. A poet, a dreamer. Long greying hair, earring and ability to build or create anything. He totally swept me away.

We dated only a few times but I feel like I have known him forever. I fell so hard. He moved my soul. He broke it off not too long after our meeting for reasons I wish I knew. His letters to me, his phone calls to me were so filled with tenderness and love, I am still baffled by it.

No day goes by without me thinking of him, not dwelling on him, just a passing flutter in my mind, producing a smile or a tear. Occasionally he joins me in a dream. He set the bar very high.  Every man I have dated since is compared to him, and so far they all fall so short.  He's not that tall, many would not think him all that attractive. To me he's beautiful and when he looked at me I knew he could see right into me. He lives just 90 miles away, perhaps he has moved out west to live near his older son, perhaps he has remarried. I hope he's still alive and well.

I've often thought of contacting him one more time but I just couldn't stand being rejected so I will continue to dream. I contacted him once over the past 4 years to get a reference for real estate (he was never a client, but he wrote a beautiful essay about me) ...and another time to ask a question about purchasing chain saws (lol). That's all.

How can a man that I saw only a few times have so swept in and ran away with my heart? I feel the tears welling up as I write this.  Mountain Man....I love and miss you. . . . even though you have ruined any chance for me to form a serious relationship (lol)

Afterthought:  The beauty of writing things down is it has a way of putting things in the right perspective.  Upon re-reading the above post, I realized how silly it all sounds.  I don't need him. He was in my life at a time that I needed him, and now he's out and I don't.  This is one of Oprah's "Ahaa!" moments.  Time does heal wounds. Maybe not at the speed you would prefer, but it does the job eventually.